Relationships can be amazing. In fact, they often are. They can make people feel like they belong somewhere, and that they are loved. Relationships can make you feel understood, sexy, and desirable.
However, relationships can also cause heartache and a general feeling of dissatisfaction. Misunderstandings can create tension, and often lead to arguments and fights.
I have done a fair amount of relationship counselling. There are many kinds of relationships out there, and many counsellors too.
I personally work best with relationships where all parties involved are willing to make a conscious change somewhere along the line. If you are coming to counselling, ‘to convince your partner that they are the problem’ you might be disappointed.
As a counsellor it is my job to not take sides. My main objective is to get the people in my office to understand each other better. This is not always an easy task, but it is definitely do-able. Once there is a better understanding of each other, most of the reasons the partnership came to me in the first place are often resolved.
Here are some key points to make this counselling process successful.
- Each person in the partnership should be open to the idea that they have contributed, in some way, to the current problematic situation, and that change is possible. This often involves being willing to change something small about the way you interact with each other. What that something is, is unique to each relationship. It may also change as the counselling progresses, because as bigger issues are resolved, other minor issues come to the surface.
You may ask why minor problems need attention in counselling. The answer is simple: small things add up. A kilogram of feathers still weighs a kilogram. What I mean by that, is even small things which are upsetting or hurtful, hurt each time. Knock your arm against the door handle every day, and that spot on your arm becomes sensitive to any contact after a while.
- Once you have both agreed to the session, and have agreed to work on the relationship, give each other a chance for those changes to happen.
If you think your partner will never change, or is too stubborn to attend the sessions, maybe individual counselling is better suited for you. Your relationship is affecting your personal well-being, and working on ways to better manage the stressors in your life can be beneficial.
Counselling is a great personal investment, with or without your partner.
If you have any questions, or would like to book a session you can contact me here